TESTIMONIALS

These testimonials are true stories from “Little Moments Big Magic: Inspirational Stories of Big Brothers and Big Sisters and the Magic They Create” by Beth Barrett, Alan Annis and Denice Riffey.

“Big Benefits”- Big Brother Rick and Little Brother Nathan
“No Limits”- Big Sister Beth and Little Sister Karen

"Big Benefits"

I originally got involved with Big Brothers Big Sisters because I had a very fortunate upbringing and felt that it was time for me to give something back to the community. What I did not anticipate was how much I would get out of becoming a Big Brother.

I was matched with Nathan when he was ten years old. He was close to being a fifth-grade dropout. Nathan lived in one of the most difficult environments that I had ever even read about, much less been part of. Quite regularly he was sent home from school, and he had been diagnosed as being severely depressed (at nine years old!). If I explained his circumstances, one would understand, but Nathan would not appreciate my sharing those details. He is a very proud young man. I often question, though, whether I would have been able to overcome many of the obstacles he has.

The first time I met Nathan was hilarious. He was so excited that he couldn’t sit for a minute. He wanted to skip all of the formalities and race right into our match. He kept interrupting our caseworker and asking me random questions. “What should we do first?” “Do you like riding bikes?” “Why do you have funny hair?” It felt like a great match from the start.

One of the first things that amazed me about Nathan was how, despite being constantly faced with negative situations, you couldn’t take the “boy” out of him. He always greeted me with such enthusiasm that it would immediately put me in a great mood. Nathan always liked to do things outside. Part of the reason was that Nathan's house was constantly filled with cigarette smoke—so much so that he developed respiratory problems.

One winter I took Nathan skiing for the first time. We had an absolute blast the entire day. He was the loudest and happiest kid on that mountain. On the ride home he told me, “Today was the best day I ever had.” It put me on cloud nine.

One of the things that has always been great about spending time with Nathan was that he is incredibly appreciative of the little things that many of us take for granted. His enthusiasm is a constant reminder that it is really the simple things that matter. Most of the time we do fun, outgoing things together, but some of the best moments have been just hanging out and talking with Nathan. He has gone through so much that he is very open—especially with me. There isn’t a topic we haven’t covered, and he is comfortable trusting me with anything. I think this is partially because he knows that I do not judge him, but also because, except for his younger brother, I have been the most consistent figure in his life.

About five years ago, Nathan was removed from his home by the Department of Human Services following a very traumatic event, and he was placed in a foster home. It was a very difficult period, and Nathan and I almost lost touch. I have to credit our caseworker for working very hard to ensure I could remain in Nathan’s life. This was an especially important time for Nathan, as he was uprooted from everything he knew, and I was the only familiar person. When I saw him during this period, I could see his relief that at least one thing hadn’t changed, and he knew that I would stay in his life.

Nathan, like every child, has the potential to do whatever he wants in life. Until my experience with Nathan, I thought this was just a cliché. As a Big Brother, the most important thing that I believe I am doing is showing him that he has other options and encouraging him to pursue them. Nathan’s environment was extremely negative, and he had no one—other than me—who was a positive influence on him.

Last year, Nathan made the honor roll at school. Now he is planning where he will go to college next year. He will be the first person in his family to attend college. Even more important to me, he is now a happy, well-balanced young man who is liked and admired by his many friends and teachers.

 Recently, Nathan and I went to see a movie, and, halfway through, he elbowed me and said, “Oh, I forgot to tell you. I have signed up to be a mentor at my school.” He told me that he recognized how great it was to have a mentor in his life, and he was really excited to be a mentor himself. I have no doubt that he will be a fantastic influence on someone.

I have gained so much from being a part of Nathan’s life. I laugh at myself now when I think that I got involved because I wanted to “give something back.”


“No Limits”

I always thought the Big Brothers Big Sisters program sounded very worthwhile, and I knew one day, when I wasn’t such a busy trial lawyer, I would volunteer to be a Big Sister. Then one month in the local bar association newsletter, there was a desperate plea for people to volunteer because many children were waiting several years to get a Big Brother or Sister. Even though I was very busy and could come up with a million reasons why I didn’t have the time to volunteer, I also got a very clear message in my heart that I had to volunteer.

I immediately called the BBBS office. It was only when I was dialing the phone that the thought occurred to me that maybe they wouldn’t want me because I have a nerve disease in my legs and walk with crutches or use a wheelchair to get around.

The caseworker assured me that a perfect physical condition wasn’t necessary and that BBBS could work with a volunteer’s limitations. After I went through the application process, Mandy, the caseworker, called me one day at work and said, “I have the perfect Little Sister for you. Her name is Karen, and she is eight years old.”

Perfect I thought. What a great age—young enough for Disney movies but old enough to have amusing conversations.

Then Mandy said, “And the reason I think Karen is a perfect match for you is because she is legally blind.”

“Legally blind!” I blurted. “Mandy, are you insane? The blind leading the lame? What kind of match is that? I don’t even have a hand to hold her hand because my hands are on crutches.”

Mandy said, “I knew you would say that, Beth, but let me explain why I know you are the perfect Big Sister for Karen. Her mother is blind, her two older sisters are legally blind, and her father has cerebral palsy. I want Karen exposed to someone who has a physical challenge that doesn’t let it interfere with the quality of her life. You would be such a good role model for her. You can show her that she can be anything she wants to be and do anything that she wants to do despite a physical challenge.”

That is a pretty hard rationale to resist, so I agreed to meet with Karen. While drinking a soda, this adorable little eight-year-old with thick magnifying glasses and I discussed how we could adapt our special needs to each other. Could she hang on to my shirt or coat instead of my hand and promise she would never run away from me, since I couldn’t catch her? With great seriousness, Karen promised me she would always stay by my side. I then asked Karen what special adaptations she would need from me. She asked me if I would tell her if stairs went up or down, and then she said, “well actually, you only have to tell me if the stairs go down because I don’t mind falling up stairs, but it really hurts when you fall down them!” I promised I would always tell her whether stairs went up or down. She also asked if I could tell her if there was a curb or if the land was uneven. That seemed reasonable enough for me so, on a handshake of agreement we became sisters.

When Karen was ten, she said to me one day, “Do you know why we get along so well, Beth?” I asked what she thought. “We both have the same haircut, we both love art, we both wear glasses, and we’re both handicapped and we don’t even care!” she answered with a smile. That is when I was positive that Mandy made a wise choice in this unlikely pairing of the blind and the lame.

During our years together, Karen and I have had a lot of fun. We have tasted different foods of the world at ethnic restaurants and fairs, attended concerts ranging from classical to jazz and rock, gone on marine biology and rock-hunting expeditions, and visited museums and zoos. We’ve done countless other activities ranging from the more mundane tasks of planting gardens and cooking to the excitement of day-trips to explore New York City.

When Karen was almost sixteen, she asked me one day, “Do you think if someone has had a Big Sister for a long time and they are getting to the age when the Big Sisters program ends that they will ever see their Big Sister again?” I asked “Are you talking about us?” “No,” she said hesitantly. “Well,” I responded, “I can’t answer that hypothetical question because I can’t speak for what other people may do. But if you are talking about us, Honey, I’m going to be at your wedding. I’m going to be Big Sister to your kids.” “No!” she stated emphatically. “You’re my Big Sister!” “Okay,” I said with a smile, “then I’ll be an aunt to your children.”

She was grinning from ear to ear, and I had the heart-filling realization that all the little moments I had spent with her over those many years were indeed magical to her.

When I first met Karen, she was an excruciatingly shy child. She didn’t know how to talk to people, so I taught her how to have a conversation and make friends. She had been told she was stupid and would never amount to anything. It was presumed she was destined to live a life on disability. I was told by our caseworker that, if I could give Karen the confidence to believe she could graduate from high school, it would be a great achievement.

At Karen’s high school graduation, I cried with joy as I watched this young woman receive her diploma. In the card I gave her, I wrote, “I have done many things in my life that I am proud of but the very best is helping you become the person you were born to be.”

Karen merely required a little support from an extroverted mentor to find her own extroverted personality. She just needed to see someone who has a physical challenge who accepts it as a simple fact of life to realize there are no limits to how far she can go unless she limits herself.

In May 2004 Karen will graduate from college as an English major with excellent grades. I’m brining a box of tissues. I’ll need them.

My Little Sister, a college graduate ready to take on the world! Who would have believed thirteen years ago that this child with limited eyesight would grow into a beautiful, confident young woman with a clear vision of her promising future!